Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
