Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
