I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
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