I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
