He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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