Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
