Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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