hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
