does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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