i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Randomize
