My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
