Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
