i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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