oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
