so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
