Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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