In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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