Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Pants are for mortals
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
