We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I can tuck mytits in my pants
im six kinds of drunk right now
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
