he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
