A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
