I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
