Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
