Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
