i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I just found a bag of teeth...
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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