Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
