when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
