every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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