We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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