the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Two words: nipple clamps
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