I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
