I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
