fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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