imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
