my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
