I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
