His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
