it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
