Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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