when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
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