Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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