in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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