my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
