Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
