apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You've changed since you got that strap on
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
