I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I am one with the molecules
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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