If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
