I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
