I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
