My girlfriend figured out who you are.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
