Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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