Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
