I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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