By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
