what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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