Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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