So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
