dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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