You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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