Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Randomize
