I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize