I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
