oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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