Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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