You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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