This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
