Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
operation harelip BJ is a go
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
