It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
