I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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