Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
