Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
There's always time for handjobs
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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