You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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