dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Randomize
