I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
